On the 5th Day of MissMas, I give to Me the gift of … Wounds of a Friend.
“You can trust a friend who wounds you with his honesty, but your enemy’s pretended flattery comes from insincerity.” Proverbs 27:6 TPT
Today’s gift is a bit of a harder one to swallow, but one that is so necessary if we are really and truly going to become the best version of ourselves. When I would read the above verse, I always agreed. I would rather you tell me the truth, than for you to flatter me with empty words. I’ve even told people not to ascribe characteristics or ‘pet names’ to me until I’ve actually earned them, like they have actually seen me portray these so that I know that when they are said; I can trust that they are true reflections of me and not just something that is said on autopilot to everyone.
We all want to be special. We all want to be different. We all want to be authentic. But sometimes, our view of ourselves gets cloudy and tainted by so much of the gunk of the world that gets inflicted on us and some of the trash that we willingly ingest. So, that’s where this verse comes in. We all need that friend that values our character more than our comfort. Who loves us enough to be real with us, even when that realness is a bit offensive. A friend willing to make you uncomfortable to address an area of your character or life choices that could be improved.
Let’s call these friends ‘fly watchers’, because this name makes me smile, and writing this is a bit vulnerable and painful, so I’d rather smile through the self-reflection – so humor me. Have you ever had a time when you were walking around with spinach in your teeth, a stray in your nose or the absolute worst – your fly open – and you have encountered 15 other people, but then you get to one person and they discreetly wiggle their eyebrows and glance down at your pants to alert you to your goodies on display? What everyone feels in this moment is pretty universal – first, relief that someone was willing to risk slightly embarrassing me to alert me of the issue as to prevent further public embarrassment and then secondly – we instantly start to question the loyalty, ethics and moral human existence (ok maybe not that far, but you get my point), of the numerous other people that we have encountered since we went to the restroom, or ate lunch or blew our nose – and their failure to alert us.
I’m a fly watcher. And I pride myself on that. And up until a recent encounter, I would proudly say that I loved my fellow fly watchers too, like I want you to tell me if my fly is down too. But such an encounter of a deeper measure made me do a double take and the wound of one friend revealed a hurt that hadn’t properly being dealt with. And my initial response was to lash out at the person for their delivery of the blow – which was albeit harsh and inappropriate, and trust I had no qualms with letting them know that, but after a little talk with Jesus, I realized that this person was a very rough around the edges reflection of Proverbs 27:6. A wound hurts, y’all. God used the correct terminology in this verse. I truly believe it was strategic, because wounds heal – and they become scars, and if we allow The Lord to do the healing then this area in our lives will become a beauty mark, an honor badge of an area that hurt but is now an intricate part of our stories in becoming who we were meant to be.
So on today, I wanna watch your fly too. What harsh truth has been revealed to you that was easier to dismantle the messenger than it is to decipher the message? Because you didn’t like the way it was said, you found it easier to dismiss WHAT was actually said? I want to implore you sisters, today is the day that we can take an honest look at ourselves, our character, our choices and use those wounds to our advantage. Here’s the challenge – ‘eat the meat, spit out the bones’. This means that I take a statement that might sting, and I look for the truth in it, no matter how it was delivered. I ‘spit out the bones’ of how it was said or even why it was said, and I ‘eat the meat’ by evaluating what in my character or interactions gave this perception. Then I do the hard work of changing it, if it truly is something that I don’t want to be associated with.
And even if you are never brave enough to actually thank the friend, or if the delivery wasn’t done in love or a way that you would like to reconcile the relationship and that’s your choice – in the end, you’ve still grown and that wound is now a beauty mark on your beautiful journey, not just a bleeding wound that another fly watcher will have to point out.
Let’s grow sisters, through the weeds, through the things that we have dismissively charged as attacks on our character but have actually been God-sent wounds from a friend. Thank You, Lord for loving us enough to show us a reflection of who we are, so we can become the reflection of Who You created us to be. I’ll cherish every wound and thank every friend from this day forward.
Eventually…lol. Hey, it’s a process. 😊 Let’s journey together.