Recently, (this is a relative and very loose use of time) but recently nevertheless, I was in what may could have been called a relationship, maybe. For all intents and purposes, I treated it like a relationship. But it wasn’t one. There was no commitment, not on his end. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he had gone through some hard times in his life and he needed time to really be ready for that type of commitment. And I believed him, and lied to myself to say that I was being supportive and not just silly. If I didn’t have on my ‘Captain Save-a-Man’ pants on, I would have realized that the healing he needed couldn’t come from me. It could and would only be found in Christ. If I didn’t have on my ‘I can fix his broken heart’ glasses on, I would have realized that he would never get that healing, because he had no intention of going to Christ for that healing. He was too much of a ‘man’ to ask for help, so he would never fall on his knees, broken and contrite in spirit before the Healer. So I tried to allow the Jesus in me to be enough. Ouch. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. My light is simply an extension of The Light. I shine the spotlight on Him, and if those that look to me, can’t see past me to Him, then I am a dim flicker at best.
He only saw me. That’s all he wanted to see. And I then realized that I was back in the ‘potential cycle’ (Read NOT ANOTHER SINGLES BOOK and you’ll understand), but this time I was the one with potential. I wasn’t what he wanted or needed, but I would do. I was a placeholder-someone who he needed at the moment, but never really saw a lifetime with me. If I were really honest with myself, I didn’t see a future with him either, but I had already convinced my friends of how great he was, so I couldn’t give up that easily, right?
Wrong. I could, and I did. I sucked it up and I let him go-in turn, freeing myself. I bit the bullet and told my friends that the knight in shining armor that I had been describing, was really a joker on a mule. Was it hard? Not as hard as wasting time in another useless relationship that would take my focus off my purpose and my prayers from the man that God is truly saving for me.
Why am I choosing to share this with the world wide web? My Pastor, Jeremy Foster- of yourhopecity.com is preaching a sermon on being Free Indeed. The Lord has been dealing with me so deeply within this series and today during worship, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I couldn’t place where they were coming from, until he started preaching. He stated that Integrity, Generosity and Humility were the antidotes to closing doors on satan’s influence.
I know that the enemy is attacking my ministry because it is shaking hell and stirring heaven. So, because of that my character has to be above reproach and my faith, walk and testimony has to be transparent. I share this because I am still in this journey. I am still struggling with loneliness and the foothold that I gave the enemy was to believe the lie that I would have to settle in order to get married. I no longer believe this lie, and it will no longer be passenger along my journey.
I don’t have to settle. I won’t settle. I will receive my exceedingly, abundantly. And I will continue to set ablaze all lies that Singles hear, and combat it with the truth. NO MORE FROGS. My Prince is here.