12 Days of MISSMas: Day 4 Recharge

On the 4th Day of MISSMas I give to Me the gift of…A ‘Recharge’ Day.

We take life way too seriously. Like for real. I’m not saying that things aren’t going on in the world that are very serious and very heartwrenching, what I am saying is that we need to learn to slow down and rest in the happy moments. Stop in our busy day and acknowledge the things that make us happy. Then do some of those things.

I’ve realized that I have a lot on my plate, and I love my life this way. I love productivity, I love tangible results, I love checking things off on my to do list – these things feed me. But I also love 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles, and adult coloring books and watching Marvel movies and cheesy Hallmark Christmas stories – these things refresh me. It took me a long time to realize that it’s ok to just relax. To actually enjoy the things that make me happy without feeling guilty about not being ‘productive’. I realized that my productivity was heightened when I took a step back and recharged with the things that didn’t fit in my to do list, but they sure felt good in the moment. I enjoyed the activities, so therefore while engaging in them, the stress of my day and the mounting things that I still needed to do, didn’t matter in that moment. This was what unplugging felt like. And then the next day, when I got back to productivity, I forced myself not to feel guilt or like I was lazy or any negative emotion for my very positive encounters.

I’ve learned to allow myself to be free enough to accept a recharge day, or hour or 6. I’ve learned the unforced rhythms of grace and life, realizing as Brene Brown says, sometimes to dig deep means we have to step away, reset and come back refreshed. This works, y’all. Take a moment out of your day – today whether it’s 15 minutes or 2 hours but do something that doesn’t have a productivity measure attached to it, but it simply makes you feel good. What is it? Leave a comment below and tell me how you recharge.

Do you read? Play Candy Crush? Go for a very slow walk? Do a puzzle? Cook something totally unhealthy and then share it (we’re not trying to sabotage here, ladies 😊)? How do you unplug to recharge? If you haven’t perfected this art yet, I challenge you to spend this holiday season finding that one thing that recharges you – that doesn’t check something off your list, but simply refuels your happy. Then make a plan to do it in the next week, and when the shame or guilt rises up within you for not being productive, remind yourself that recharging is some of the best productivity that you can give yourself. If it makes you feel better, you can even schedule it in your planner. There! You got this. Let’s journey together.

12 Days Of MISSMas: Day 3 Letting Go

On the 3rd Day of MissMas I gave to Me the gift of…Letting Go.

Letting Go can be hard. Whether it’s a situation that we find it difficult to move on from, a hurt or a pain that was caused by someone else, or letting go of a relationship, romantic or otherwise. We have become masters of justifying giving just one more chance. We often will fight tooth and nail to not let go of something that is no longer serving us because it’s comfortable, (spoiler: this will be one of our days). We as women, sometimes are creatures of habits and we will continue in a well-worn path simply because it’s the way that it’s always been.

Why is letting go hard? Because sometimes it feels like we are giving up when we let go. Like we failed, even if the very thing that we are holding on to is actually failing us. To let go means we have to admit that something is dead, over, beyond repair – that we couldn’t fix it. And that hearts more than actually letting go, admitting that we couldn’t make it work no matter how hard we tried.

We have to understand that many things in our life come for a reason, a season and/or a time. We end up causing ourselves and others more pain than necessary when we allow something in our life to stay longer than its expiration date. Trying to force something into a lifetime role when it was only meant to be present for a season makes almost as much sense as wearing a winter jacket in Texas heat. You will pass out, literally in the heat and emotionally from the baggage. We must take personal inventory of our personal, spiritual, vocational, physical and emotional relationships periodically and do a bit of a self check.

Is this still serving me? Does this add to my life? Is it subtracting from my purpose? Am I still attached to ‘it’ or just the idea of it?

If you are like me, there are so many things that I held on to simply because the idea of being without it was more painful than truly evaluating the value it was no longer adding. I remember when I was struggling to let go of a particularly bad relationship I had a God-sent friend that asked me, ‘Vonnie are you fighting so hard for it because it’s what you still want, or are you just fighting for it because you’re afraid of going through the pain of letting it go?’ That hit me hard. I didn’t still want to be with him, truth be told-I barely liked him, but I just dreaded the idea of being alone again and having to start all over. So I was willing to sacrifice more time, energy and emotions on a relationship that still ended. Don’t do that to yourself, sis.

Take a deep breath. Have a funeral. Bury it. Burn it. Throw it away. Write a letter to them telling them all the things you wish you could have said. Sit an empty chair in the middle of the room, imagine them there and yell, scream, cry…get it all out. Block the number. Delete the messages. Whatever you need to do to get to your freedom, be willing to do it. You need room for the enlarged territory that God wants to give you.

Say it with me… Today… I let it go…

12 Days of MISS Mas…Day 1: Identity

12 Daily Blogs to my Single Ladies…

On the first day of MISS Mas, I gave to me… ME (Identity)

Getting ready for Christmas, or some symbolism of Christmas as 2020 has literally changed everything, I decided to write a blog from one Single lady to another. Each day we will talk about a different aspect of Singleness that affects many of us and I believe if you stick with me, you will surely find a topic that you can relate.

So for the first day, I’m gonna share a bit about my Singles journey – both before and after marriage. I believe that by sharing my journey in this way, you will be able to glimpse into my life and possibly gain a better understanding of why I’m so passionate about loving and actualizing your Single life.

Most of my adult life has been spent attached to a man. I was always in a relationship, coming out of a relationship or heading into a situationship, but I was never truly Single. Like no potentials, no +1s, no guys hanging in the background hoping I choose them, or even worse I spent some time being the girl hanging in the background hoping the guy realized how amazing I was and decided to love me. Sad, right? I agree. Looking back on that girl, I don’t feel sorry for her because every one of her hardships helped shape me into the woman that I currently am, but there is a huge part of me that wishes I could just reach back and give her a good shake, tho.

If you haven’t read NOT Another Singles Book, you might not know much of my journey so I definitely would recommend grabbing this book and journeying with me. But as a synopsis, I discuss that I played a role in every relationship I was in. I didn’t have a clear view of my identity, so it became easy to pretend to be whoever the person needed at that time. Naturally they would fall in love with me, because I was everything the needed, the perfect woman for them in that moment…but I wasn’t me. So I couldn’t sustain the façade of being everything to everybody. As you can tell from the title of this blog – it didn’t work.

Then I took some time to get to know me, like the real me – not the one that shows up on interviews and first dates. And I found out that I love me. The authentic me, without the bells, expectations and identity crisis – but the woman that is confident in herself, bold about her purpose and passionate about her vision. The woman that isn’t afraid to spend time alone, because she’s comfortable in her own skin and enjoys her own company.

After my divorce, I rejoined the land of Missdom. And I realized that I missed me. I had spent such a long time getting to know me, and then I lost that identity in the struggle of trying to keep my marriage together. All my energy and focus was poured into not only keeping up the false image that I had built of my marriage once it started to really fall apart, a warped sense of loyalty to a man that wasn’t loyal, and the overwhelming grip of shame when I realized divorce was the only option for me. I had nothing left, for me.

And now I’m back to who I’ve become. I’m stronger, better, with deeper roots and a more secure identity in Christ. And I believe that because of the struggle that I endured and came out of, I have moved from knowledge to wisdom in this area.

So why start the 12 Days of MissMas with this story. Because it’s the identity for me, sis. If you don’t know who you are, you will settle for an imitation of yourself that the people in your live inadvertently build to suit their needs. COVID-19 has provided us a unique opportunity to slow down and declutter our lives, physically-mentally-emotionally-spiritually. Use this time wisely, Queens. Really get to know yourself during this time and get secure in your identity as a WHOLE, party of 1. It’s truly the best gift that you can give yourself.

What’s next? Would you like to journey together in this time and have me come alongside you and share my journey, so you don’t have to live the lessons? I want to offer you to join me on Sunday, December 20th 2020 at 5pm CST as we chat, laugh and discuss these very things together. I want to share a new experience that will start in January and I would love for you to be a part.

Here’s the link to register for the FREE Convo session!