DAY 11: Cast off into the Deep End

NOT Another Singles Devotional Excerpt

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

MEMORIZE: Proverbs 19:21  Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand.

READ: Psalm 127

CHALLENGE #11: Think of your “list”’, those characteristics and traits that you believe your spouse must have, or if you are like former me, unfold your 3 page list from your journal. Concentrate on one of the shallowest desires that you have, then ask God to allow you to dig deeper. Replace it with a more significant trait, a deeper one.

            THE LIST. Everyone has one, even if you won’t admit it, you have one. Those essentials characteristics that you want your spouse to embody. Some of them are very valid desires and preferences, and I don’t think that there is anything necessarily wrong with having these kinds of expectations. For example, I want my husband to have a great relationship with his father because I want to dance with him at our wedding, and it would be nice to call someone Dad after healing from 15 years of rejection by my own. This is a noble desire, and one that I truly want the Lord to fulfill, but I am spiritually mature enough to know that if God does not grant it, it’s because He has a better plan for me, not because He is withholding something from me. Our Heavenly Father gives His children good gifts. If he does not fulfill a desire that is on my list, it’s because it does not coincide with a need that is already on His predestined list for me.

            In Luke 5:1-11, Christ calls His first disciples, Simon Peter, James and John as they fish. Jesus tells them, “put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” Peter immediately questions Christ (he was always questioning something, huh?), and informs Him that they had been fishing all night long and still caught nothing. “But nevertheless,” Peter said that at Christ’s word, he would cast the nets.

            I don’t believe that Peter decided to follow Christ’s directions because he believed Him, I believe he initially did it to prove to Jesus that He was wrong. Peter and Zebedee’s sons (James and John) were fishermen by trade so they had been doing this for a while and they knew all the tricks of the trade. They were experts, with two Olympic gold medals in fishing to show for it. They didn’t need no “preacher” telling them how to do their job; but yet, Peter cast the net. Even in Peter’s doubts, there was something about the nature of Jesus that made him do what Christ said, even though he knew it wouldn’t work. And lo and behold, they caught more fish than they could haul in.

Now let’s relate that to our list of ‘demands’ for our spouse: How often do we consciously or subconsciously tell God we can pick a better mate for ourselves than He can? We do this by getting into a relationship that God has not ordained nor arranged, but one that we think meets the criteria of most of our list, so we jump in. Then, we bring that relationship to God when it isn’t going the way we believe it should go and ask God to fix it. In my spiritual mind, I hear God saying, “I didn’t give that to you, so I’m the reason it’s falling apart. I won’t fix something I didn’t ordain for you to have in the first place.” So we sit and watch our relationship crumble, and then we blame God for not bending to our will instead of repenting for not submitting to His. I’ve often, and you as well if you are mature enough to admit it, asked God to bless my choices on the backend, instead of trusting Him enough to choose my blessings that he has already ordained for me. This “list” has gotten me into some bad relationships and I have the healed wounds and beauty scars to prove it. Even if you don’t think the path God is taking you on is right, trust that He is right. Psalm 119:68 says “The Lord is good and He does good things”. He knows what He is talking about. He has never been unsure about His plans for you. He wooed and captured your heart, didn’t He? You can trust Him to take that same care in orchestrating your union.

            I’m sure you can understand how this translates into how we should now approach relationships. Many of us have been dating for a while. I labeled myself as a reformed serial monogamist, because I was always in a relationship, coming out of one, going into another, or had a least three potentials floating around, waiting on their chance. Thanks be to God for deliverance. We often think we know what we want in a mate, those essential characteristics that a spouse need to embody for them to be compatible for us. In a way, we are telling Christ that we can pick a better mate for ourselves, when we don’t consult with Him before we pick out the China patterns and send the save the dates.

            As I earlier stated we often ask God to bless our choice, instead of waiting on Him to choose our blessing. What does this mean? It means that we will find the best man or woman that fits the characteristics on our list (whether it is written or mental), and then ask God to bless that relationship, as opposed to asking God to ordain the meeting of our mate. If we would ask first, we wouldn’t need to come behind asking Him to bless our will, because we waited for His.

            Vow to do this with your next relationship and see the difference. Allow God to orchestrate the initial meeting and follow His specific directions throughout the entire relationship and see how much deeper the connection is.

            Dig in deeper, forget those things that you think you want and allow God to give you what you need. If you hold too tightly to your own agenda, your hand isn’t open for God to give you His Will. Don’t spend any more time as the early disciples did, fishing all night and catching nothing. Use God’s Provisional System to direct you — then and only then, “let down your net” once more to catch the fish that He has waiting for you.

You’ve tried it your way this long. How is that working out for you? Why not try it His way now?

Get your copy here:

Should you be looking & What you will find: Analysis of Proverbs 18:22

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and inherits the favor of the Lord.

Now everyone knows this scripture, but have you ever researched it? We have been taught that
this clarifies that THE MAN is supposed to FIND the WIFE, and we use it to justify why a
woman should not be looking for a man. Now on the superficial, this is one interpretation of the
scripture, but it goes so much deeper than just this. Let’s take it word for word:

HE: On first thought, this is thought to mean just a man…But looking deeper this is the same HE
that is used to describe Adam, Joseph and David. This HE (whoso) is not just a male, but this is a
male that has the mental capabilities of love, one that is set financially, emotionally, mentally,
and physically to provide for a wife. The mental capacity to love comes from many sources; but
it DOES NOT come from emotion. If love is only based on emotions, then what happens when
the butterflies fade away? When in the heat of an argument or the throes of lust you forget that
you have made a conscious decision to love another person. If it were merely an emotion, the
divorce rate would be a lot higher. The Hebrew here refers specifically to men who have reached
the mental capacity to love a woman with agape love- as God intended. This is a HE that is
prepared for the responsibility of a wife and a family. The man who separates himself and seeks
wisdom. HE must be ready for the serious and great task of loving a woman as Christ loves the
Church, respecting her and honoring her as the weaker partner. (1 Peter 3:7) This HE is one who
is serving the Lord in full capacity NOW as a single male. From this interpretation, many males
don’t fit the characteristics of the HE, so therefore should not be looking.

That FINDS: Now this word is interesting because it does not take from the definition of the act
of physically searching for something. Even Webster has the right definition: to discover or
perceive after consideration; to come upon by chance; to become aware of, or discover (oneself),
as being in a condition or location. WOW!! This means that IF you are in your lane, seeking the
Lord, then you may happen to come upon, or discover your wife or husband to be, while in your
lane, going in the same direction. Joseph was given his wife. Adam and David likewise did
nothing to deserve their wives. You are directly focused on pursuing God and on the path that he
has set, and when you are in the right location and condition, you may happen upon that
appointed person.

A WIFE: Now this is not just referring to just a female. But this is referring to a woman that is
worthy to be called by such a honorable name. A wife is esteemed, so therefore this label will not
apply to all women. This wife is a jewel of great value, a rare jewel; he has found that one which
will not only contribute more than anything to his comfort in this life, but will forward him in the
way to heaven. This means if you are not praying and serving God now, single- you probably
won’t start magically when you get married. It also refers to taking care of the responsibilities of
the household and fulfilling your wifely roles-cooking, cleaning, caring for the family,e tc. (For
those of you that are all for the Women’s Movement, Liberations, Equal Responsibilities and
Roles-It may work (and should) in the Office World, but has no relevance or authority over
God’s Word. WE STILL HAVE ROLES (Proverbs 31:10-31, Titus 2:4-5, Ephesians 5:22.I Peter
3:1-6) I didn’t write it, I’m just quoting it! This definition also has to do with THE MAN’s

capacity to love that particular woman! “A good wife” is a woman the man recognizes as one
whom he has the mental capacity to love. This is the woman he would protect and honor at all
cost, above everything below God-spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Finds a GOOD THING: Now just because you are a female, and you get married, doesn’t mean
that you will be a ‘good thing.’ In order to meet these qualifications you have to first meet the
criteria of a WIFE. That means you also have to have your stuff together, and not just sitting
around waiting on your life to start when your ‘Boaz’ shows up. To be FOUND, you have to be
traveling in the same direction that HE was traveling-a path directed and ordained for God’s
glory. Proverbs 31:12 She brings him GOOD all the days of his life. So are you living as a good
thing right now? The Hebrew goes on to infer that the only way a man can, through the ultimate
source of his soul, give his mental capacity of love to a woman, is if he recognizes in her, the
ability to respond and accept his love. Women are designed by God to be the responders to a
man’s love.

And inherits the FAVOR of the Lord: This is one of those ‘if, then’ clauses. IF, all the criteria are
met before the ‘comma’, then you will receive the blessings after it. Favor – Granted to her, and
bestowed upon him, not by his own diligence, but by God’s good providence. Meaning that you
can’t sway God’s hand or speed up his timing, but when and if He so sees fit, he will bestow it
upon you.

I pray that you received this as a Word and use it to change your mindset and focus, if you (as I
did) misinterpretated this scripture, or confirmation if this has already been revealed to you.

References: The Hebrew Bible, Pastor Monty Rainey
Excerpt from NOT another Singles Book by La Vonia R. Tryon
Find us on facebook @NOT Another Singles Book

FREE MASTERCLASS TONIGHT!!

You don’t want to miss this FREE event.

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.
COME JOURNEY WITH US…

Single NOT Alone weekly experiences began in January. SNA is a monthly coaching and mentor call that takes 4 major topics Single women experience and breaks them into relevant and practical tips with insightful dialogue.

If you missed January, you definitely don’t want to miss the next Cohort. February is guaranteed to be even better as we spend the month talking about love and why it’s not as far off as we think, and how to truly enjoy EVERY aspect of love as a Single.

This is the February PRE-PARTY! This call will be an opportunity for you to meet the Author, get an overview of the experience with a detailed look at January’s subject matter, as well as an opportunity for Q&A and open discussion on relationships, contentment, purpose and personal development.

LaVonia R. Tryon is a Counselor and Mentor with over 15 years in mental health experience, and twice as much in relational experiences. A Reformed Serial Monogamist, she lived most of her adult life either being in a relationship, coming out of a relationship, or going into another situationship. Her hilarious takes on her struggles are wittingly expressed as your lessons. This session will not disappoint!

Come join like-minded ladies for an experience that will set you on the path to getting everything that is coming to you in 2021.

https://mailchi.mp/6b5437464c04/single-not-alone-february-kickoff

You might be out of Egypt, but is Egypt out of you?

Excerpt from NOT Another Singles Devotional Feb 2021:

“When the Israelites were released from Egypt, God lead them the long way, because He knew their hearts weren’t strong enough to face war yet. In the same way for us Singles, delay is not denial. God recognizes that it takes longer to get Egypt out of us than to get us out of Egypt. You may be physically out of that last relationship, last sin, last misstep, but in your mind, you’re still there.

There are certain habits and issues you are still dealing with that God can’t allow you to take into your Promised Land. Because He is a God of movement, He will take us on a detour to get to where we need to go, while He works that Egypt mentality out of us.

God knew that the Israelites would have run back into their slave situations if they saw even the prospect of war, because they still had the slave mindset. Likewise, you may not be ready for that. You may not be strong enough to stand and fight for your peace, for your contentment, for your joy – for whatever it is that the enemy will use to convince you that God has forgotten you; so, God desires to lead you around it. It will take longer, but there is so much beauty in the journey that you might never see if you just rush into a relationship.”

#notanothersingle

#notanotherseries

#fromknowledgetowisdom

#JourneyingTogether#Devotional

2020 in Review – oh what a year…

This year has been one for the books – and I’ve been broken and blessed through it all. Journey with me, through a few of the highs and lows…

  1. January – secretly filed for divorce from my emotionally abusive, adulterous, dishonest now ex-husband.
  2. February – gained weight, emotionally drained, depressed and probably in one of my lowest states. Bought a new car. Gave my old car to my brother.
  3. March – experienced a lockdown due to Covid-19. Started working from home, but lost my second source of income.
  4. April – drew closer to God and knew that I needed help to get through this. Started therapy and getting mentor counseling.
  5. May – joined KRAVE Fitness – but didn’t really invest. Was voted Chaplain of my sorority and struggled because even praying for myself was a struggle daily. My doubt and faith were low and mentally – I just couldn’t.
  6. June – joined KRAVE Glow up monthly challenge and got a group of the most loving, accepting, encouraging and motivating women as family. First time I openly discussed my divorce and finally started the healing process – instead of covering and numbing. Lost 20 lbs.
  7. July – dug into my mental and physical health FULL FORCE. Forgave myself for the my part in the divorce, released myself from the shame that wasn’t mine to carry. Lost 12 lbs.
  8. August – created safe spaces in my life and limits in areas to continue healing. DIVORCE WAS FINALIZED. Lost 13 lbs. Decided to relaunch my first book after 7 years.
  9. September – found out about more deceit by my ex-husband and realized my indifference. Prayed for mercy instead of justice for him and rested in the freedom that forgiveness gave me. Joined Self-Publishing school and my motivation and creativity was restored and refreshed like never before. Registered for my NCE exam to began Licensed Professional Counselor process.
  10. October – relaunched NOT Another Singles Book. Did a Launch party with several other creatives and feel more in love with the woman that I have become, after the storm. Book reached #1 Amazon Best-seller in 4 categories and sold over 500 copies in the first 2 weeks (2nd source of income). Continued to gain muscle and heal my relationship with food. No more numbing and hiding – learned to feel the feelings.
  11. November – launched paperback book. Started NOT Another Singles Workbook, revamped book, marketing of book. Hosted my first (of this kind) Mentorship call for Single women – 50 registrants (this was a big deal) – lost a total of 52 lbs. Published second book ‘What do the Single do at Christmas’. Joined EVERYDAY Seminary with Dr. Dharius Daniels.
  12. December – began learning to trade (3rd source of income). Launched Single NOT Alone group calls for Single women, had intro call and subscribers (4th source of income). Learned the meaning of rest and regrouping. Fell more in love with myself and released my strength. God healed the wounds. My scars are now beauty marks. Gave a crazy faith offering with Transformation Church.

There are so many other things that I can highlight/recap including:

1. I read 18-20 books this year –working a full-time job, getting a divorce, creating multiple streams of income, and healing my mental health – that’s a lot.

2. I now have 4 streams of income – they all will bring me income in each month of 2021. I will create 3 more this year.

3. I’m using my struggle as other women’s lessons to walk them through the healing that the Lord was gracious and faithful enough to pull me through.

4. I’m open to dating again. Now if I were to tell you the whole Lifetime movie (and not the Christmas kind) of my marriage, this is a very big deal.

5. I kept alive my first plant – ever, in my life. And grew my own food – kale.

6.  I see my 94 yo grandma everyday and hug her and play bingo and do puzzles with her. This is joy.

7. I truly learned the meaning of Psalm 147:3 ‘God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds’

I’m still here. I’m still whole. Just because it’s not how it used to be – doesn’t mean that it’s not exactly how it’s SUPPOSED to be.

2021 – oh, what a journey you will be.

Day 6 of MISSMas: Covid Changes Everything

On the 6th Day of MISSMas, I gave to me the gift of … The Corona Chronicles.

As I decided to write this post, I realize that COVID truly has changed everything. Here in the United States, many officials and official sources have encouraged us to postpone or cancel all together our holiday gatherings due to the rising COVID-19 cases. Which will affect our holiday plans, no matter who you are.

No one believed that starting 2020, we would be ending it the way that we are. It has been almost 11 months since we have gone into some level of shut down and the things that we took for granted, like going into the grocery store or to the gym, have become foreign to us. No matter what stream of thought you ascribe to, Coronavirus has affected your life in some way. Many people have lost jobs, had to share Wi-Fi with teleworkers and kids doing homeschool, gained weight, lost weight, read a book, wrote a book and many other numerous things that we never had the time to do before March.

As Singles, one thing is clear, COVID has made us hyper aware of our Singleness. We have probably spent more time alone than we have in the past, and it may have been a struggle to really understand being comfortable alone without being overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness.   This is a fine art and not one that is easily mastered. We spend  so much of our time being busy instead of productive that being forced to slow down and spend time with ourselves, either gave us time to be introspective and do some internal work, or it made  us extremely uncomfortable  in our own skin; in our own homes. Hopefully, you are the former and you have used this time to fall more in love with yourself and really hone into your purpose. But if you are in the later and this pandemic has been particularly hard on you, my prayer is that these 12 Days of MISSMas bring you hope and a different outlook. I would love to connect with you more and walk you through the beautiful journey that is Singleness. Please connect with me at lavonia@lavoniartryon.com to book a free coaching call. No one should be Single alone.

As Coronavirus changes the way we view the world and each other, we have choices. We can choose to be defeated and accept that we will be alone forever unless the Amazon delivery person is really cute, or we can turn our focus off of the one thing that we think we are missing and focus on everything that we do have. As Singles, we often rock our own contentment boat by focusing on the wrong things, and not keeping the main thing – the main thing. As a Single, during a global pandemic you have a unique advantage that many people don’t have. No distractions, or at least less than your married counterparts.

For the Singles without children – how are you spending your time? Since the social life has either diminished or at least changed shapes, what productive activities have you added that will cause multiplication in your life? Have you been able to build your savings account? Are you focused on your health and wellness and you’ve finally started to use that home gym that has been collecting dust in your garage? Have you built your career and professional resume? Started a business? Picked up a hobby? Learned a new language? Wrote a book? Read a book? This list isn’t meant to make you feel like you haven’t done enough, in fact it was created for just the opposite. You have a unique opportunity in this time to come out better than you went it. Don’t waste it on Netflix binges.

For the Singles with children – I can only imagine some of the stress that you may be under. Especially if you must homeschool your kid(s), work, take care of the household and have any expectation to bathe that day as well. Although I can’t personally relate to your struggle, I can speak to your strength. You got this, sis. You are making a difference, brother. Your children will rise up and call you blessed. Reach out to your support system. If you have someone that is ‘in your bubble’ – meaning someone that you have either quarantined with or that is in a safe environment who can babysit for a bit, take advantage of it. We are a nation and a generation that has this aversion to asking for help. I want to call you out on that and call that out of you. It’s not strength to struggle when there is help available; it’s pride. Use your village so that you can get some time for yourself to recharge and reconnect with you – the you that is enhanced not hindered by the unique experiences that you have been trusted with as a Single parent. Get creative. Even if you can’t physically get to someone, I had a friend that gave the suggestion of doing a Zoom call with her friend’s kid so that she could go take a long bath. Technology is wonderful, and I’d love to see the LEGO castle that your child has built or to read them a book, so I’m sure that you have someone in your community who would love to as well. Show yourself strong and reach out.

COVID-19 Changes Everything

As I decided to write this book, I realized that COVID truly has changed everything. Here in the United States, many officials and official sources have encouraged us to postpone or cancel all together our holiday gatherings due to the rising COVID-19 cases. This book isn’t a political or health stance, and I offer no opinion or advice about either route, I only plead that whatever you choose to do that you stay safe. And that you think beyond yourself and think about those vulnerable around you as you make the best decisions for you and your family.

No one believed that starting 2020, we would be ending it the way that we are. It has been almost 10 months since we have gone into some level of shut down and the things that we took for granted, like going into the grocery store or to the gym, have become foreign to us. No matter what stream of thought you ascribe to, Coronavirus has affected your life in some way. Many people have lost jobs, had to share Wi-Fi with teleworkers and kids doing homeschool, gained weight, lost weight, read a book, wrote a book and many other numerous things that we never had the time to do before March.

As Singles, one thing is clear, COVID has made us hyper aware of our Singleness. We have probably spent more time alone than we have in the past, and it may have been a struggle to really understand being comfortable alone without being overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness.   This is a fine art and not one that is easily mastered. We spend  so much of our time being busy instead of productive that being forced to slow down and spend time with ourselves, either gave us time to be introspective and do some internal work, or it made  us extremely uncomfortable  in our own skin; in our own homes. Hopefully, you are the former and you have used this time to fall more in love with yourself and really hone into your purpose. But if you are in the later and this pandemic has been particularly hard on you, my prayer is that this mini-book brings you hope and a different outlook. I would love to connect with you more and walk you through the beautiful journey that is Singleness. Please connect with me at lavonia@lavoniartryon.com to book a free coaching call. No one should be Single alone.

As Coronavirus changes the way we view the world and each other, we have choices. We can choose to be defeated and accept that we will be alone forever unless the Amazon delivery person is really cute, or we can turn our focus off of the one thing that we think we are missing and focus on everything that we do have. As Singles, we often rock our own contentment boat by focusing on the wrong things, and not keeping the main thing – the main thing. As a Single, during a global pandemic you have a unique advantage that many people don’t have. No distractions, or at least less than your married counterparts.

For the Singles without children – how are you spending your time? Since the social life has either diminished or at least changed shapes, what productive activities have you added that will cause multiplication in your life? Have you been able to build your savings account? Are you focused on your health and wellness and you’ve finally started to use that home gym that has been collecting dust in your garage? Have you built your career and professional resume? Started a business? Picked up a hobby? Learned a new language? Wrote a book? Read a book? This list isn’t meant to make you feel like you haven’t done enough, in fact it was created for just the opposite. You have a unique opportunity in this time to come out better than you went it. Don’t waste it on Netflix binges.

For the Singles with children – I can only imagine some of the stress that you may be under. Especially if you must homeschool your kid(s), work, take care of the household and have any expectation to bathe that day as well. Although I can’t personally relate to your struggle, I can speak to your strength. You got this, sis. You are making a difference, brother. Your children will rise up and call you blessed. Reach out to your support system. If you have someone that is ‘in your bubble’ – meaning someone that you have either quarantined with or that is in a safe environment who can babysit for a bit, take advantage of it. We are a nation and a generation that has this aversion to asking for help. I want to call you out on that and call that out of you. It’s not strength to struggle when there is help available; it’s pride. Use your village so that you can get some time for yourself to recharge and reconnect with you – the you that is enhanced not hindered by the unique experiences that you have been trusted with as a Single parent. Get creative. Even if you can’t physically get to someone, I had a friend that gave the suggestion of doing a Zoom call with her friend’s kid so that she could go take a long bath. Technology is wonderful, and I’d love to see the LEGO castle that your child has built or to read them a book, so I’m sure that you have someone in your community who would love to as well. Show yourself strong and reach out.

12 Days of MISSMas: Day 5 Blessed Wounds

On the 5th Day of MissMas, I give to Me the gift of … Wounds of a Friend.

“You can trust a friend who wounds you with his honesty, but your enemy’s pretended flattery comes from insincerity.” Proverbs 27:6 TPT

Today’s gift is a bit of a harder one to swallow, but one that is so necessary if we are really and truly going to become the best version of ourselves. When I would read the above verse, I always agreed. I would rather you tell me the truth, than for you to flatter me with empty words. I’ve even told people not to ascribe characteristics or ‘pet names’ to me until I’ve actually earned them, like they have actually seen me portray these so that I know that when they are said; I can trust that they are true reflections of me and not just something that is said on autopilot to everyone.

We all want to be special. We all want to be different. We all want to be authentic. But sometimes, our view of ourselves gets cloudy and tainted by so much of the gunk of the world that gets inflicted on us and some of the trash that we willingly ingest. So, that’s where this verse comes in. We all need that friend that values our character more than our comfort. Who loves us enough to be real with us, even when that realness is a bit offensive. A friend willing to make you uncomfortable to address an area of your character or life choices that could be improved.

Let’s call these friends ‘fly watchers’, because this name makes me smile, and writing this is a bit vulnerable and painful, so I’d rather smile through the self-reflection – so humor me. Have you ever had a time when you were walking around with spinach in your teeth, a stray in your nose or the absolute worst – your fly open – and you have encountered 15 other people, but then you get to one person and they discreetly wiggle their eyebrows and glance down at your pants to alert you to your goodies on display? What everyone feels in this moment is pretty universal – first, relief that someone was willing to risk slightly embarrassing me to alert me of the issue as to prevent further public embarrassment and then secondly – we instantly start to question the loyalty, ethics and moral human existence (ok maybe not that far, but you get my point), of the numerous other people that we have encountered since we went to the restroom, or ate lunch or blew our nose – and their failure to alert us.

I’m a fly watcher. And I pride myself on that. And up until a recent encounter, I would proudly say that I loved my fellow fly watchers too, like I want you to tell me if my fly is down too. But such an encounter of a deeper measure made me do a double take and the wound of one friend revealed a hurt that hadn’t properly being dealt with. And my initial response was to lash out at the person for their delivery of the blow – which was albeit harsh and inappropriate, and trust I had no qualms with letting them know that, but after a little talk with Jesus, I realized that this person was a very rough around the edges reflection of Proverbs 27:6. A wound hurts, y’all. God used the correct terminology in this verse. I truly believe it was strategic, because wounds heal – and they become scars, and if we allow The Lord to do the healing then this area in our lives will become a beauty mark, an honor badge of an area that hurt but is now an intricate part of our stories in becoming who we were meant to be.

So on today, I wanna watch your fly too. What harsh truth has been revealed to you that was easier to dismantle the messenger than it is to decipher the message?  Because you didn’t like the way it was said, you found it easier to dismiss WHAT was actually said? I want to implore you sisters, today is the day that we can take an honest look at ourselves, our character, our choices and use those wounds to our advantage. Here’s the challenge – ‘eat the meat, spit out the bones’. This means that I take a statement that might sting, and I look for the truth in it, no matter how it was delivered. I ‘spit out the bones’ of how it was said or even why it was said, and I ‘eat the meat’ by evaluating what in my character or interactions gave this perception. Then I do the hard work of changing it, if it truly is something that I don’t want to be associated with.

And even if you are never brave enough to actually thank the friend, or if the delivery wasn’t done in love or a way that you would like to reconcile the relationship and that’s your choice – in the end, you’ve still grown and that wound is now a beauty mark on your beautiful journey, not just a bleeding wound that another fly watcher will have to point out.

Let’s grow sisters, through the weeds, through the things that we have dismissively charged as attacks on our character but have actually been God-sent wounds from a friend. Thank You, Lord for loving us enough to show us a reflection of who we are, so we can become the reflection of Who You created us to be. I’ll cherish every wound and thank every friend from this day forward.

Eventually…lol. Hey, it’s a process. 😊  Let’s journey together.

12 Days of MISSMas: Day 4 Recharge

On the 4th Day of MISSMas I give to Me the gift of…A ‘Recharge’ Day.

We take life way too seriously. Like for real. I’m not saying that things aren’t going on in the world that are very serious and very heartwrenching, what I am saying is that we need to learn to slow down and rest in the happy moments. Stop in our busy day and acknowledge the things that make us happy. Then do some of those things.

I’ve realized that I have a lot on my plate, and I love my life this way. I love productivity, I love tangible results, I love checking things off on my to do list – these things feed me. But I also love 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles, and adult coloring books and watching Marvel movies and cheesy Hallmark Christmas stories – these things refresh me. It took me a long time to realize that it’s ok to just relax. To actually enjoy the things that make me happy without feeling guilty about not being ‘productive’. I realized that my productivity was heightened when I took a step back and recharged with the things that didn’t fit in my to do list, but they sure felt good in the moment. I enjoyed the activities, so therefore while engaging in them, the stress of my day and the mounting things that I still needed to do, didn’t matter in that moment. This was what unplugging felt like. And then the next day, when I got back to productivity, I forced myself not to feel guilt or like I was lazy or any negative emotion for my very positive encounters.

I’ve learned to allow myself to be free enough to accept a recharge day, or hour or 6. I’ve learned the unforced rhythms of grace and life, realizing as Brene Brown says, sometimes to dig deep means we have to step away, reset and come back refreshed. This works, y’all. Take a moment out of your day – today whether it’s 15 minutes or 2 hours but do something that doesn’t have a productivity measure attached to it, but it simply makes you feel good. What is it? Leave a comment below and tell me how you recharge.

Do you read? Play Candy Crush? Go for a very slow walk? Do a puzzle? Cook something totally unhealthy and then share it (we’re not trying to sabotage here, ladies 😊)? How do you unplug to recharge? If you haven’t perfected this art yet, I challenge you to spend this holiday season finding that one thing that recharges you – that doesn’t check something off your list, but simply refuels your happy. Then make a plan to do it in the next week, and when the shame or guilt rises up within you for not being productive, remind yourself that recharging is some of the best productivity that you can give yourself. If it makes you feel better, you can even schedule it in your planner. There! You got this. Let’s journey together.

12 Days Of MISSMas: Day 3 Letting Go

On the 3rd Day of MissMas I gave to Me the gift of…Letting Go.

Letting Go can be hard. Whether it’s a situation that we find it difficult to move on from, a hurt or a pain that was caused by someone else, or letting go of a relationship, romantic or otherwise. We have become masters of justifying giving just one more chance. We often will fight tooth and nail to not let go of something that is no longer serving us because it’s comfortable, (spoiler: this will be one of our days). We as women, sometimes are creatures of habits and we will continue in a well-worn path simply because it’s the way that it’s always been.

Why is letting go hard? Because sometimes it feels like we are giving up when we let go. Like we failed, even if the very thing that we are holding on to is actually failing us. To let go means we have to admit that something is dead, over, beyond repair – that we couldn’t fix it. And that hearts more than actually letting go, admitting that we couldn’t make it work no matter how hard we tried.

We have to understand that many things in our life come for a reason, a season and/or a time. We end up causing ourselves and others more pain than necessary when we allow something in our life to stay longer than its expiration date. Trying to force something into a lifetime role when it was only meant to be present for a season makes almost as much sense as wearing a winter jacket in Texas heat. You will pass out, literally in the heat and emotionally from the baggage. We must take personal inventory of our personal, spiritual, vocational, physical and emotional relationships periodically and do a bit of a self check.

Is this still serving me? Does this add to my life? Is it subtracting from my purpose? Am I still attached to ‘it’ or just the idea of it?

If you are like me, there are so many things that I held on to simply because the idea of being without it was more painful than truly evaluating the value it was no longer adding. I remember when I was struggling to let go of a particularly bad relationship I had a God-sent friend that asked me, ‘Vonnie are you fighting so hard for it because it’s what you still want, or are you just fighting for it because you’re afraid of going through the pain of letting it go?’ That hit me hard. I didn’t still want to be with him, truth be told-I barely liked him, but I just dreaded the idea of being alone again and having to start all over. So I was willing to sacrifice more time, energy and emotions on a relationship that still ended. Don’t do that to yourself, sis.

Take a deep breath. Have a funeral. Bury it. Burn it. Throw it away. Write a letter to them telling them all the things you wish you could have said. Sit an empty chair in the middle of the room, imagine them there and yell, scream, cry…get it all out. Block the number. Delete the messages. Whatever you need to do to get to your freedom, be willing to do it. You need room for the enlarged territory that God wants to give you.

Say it with me… Today… I let it go…

12 Days of MissMas

Day 2: Grace

On the Second Day of MissMas I give to me…Grace

On the second day of MissMas, I want to discuss the gift of grace. Many times, we are often quick (well sometimes not so quick, who are we kidding) to give grace to others but find it hard to give to ourselves. Why is this? Why are we our own worst critics? I think it’s because we haven’t really learned the rhythms of grace. The eb and flow of life choices and how beautiful the journey is. Grace has many definitions ranging from a period allowed before payment is due to a prayer during meals to goodwill to the free and unmerited favor of God. Grace gives the benefit of the doubt, it gives room to make mistakes and get back up to try again with or without the consequences of the error.

For Believers, we receive the free gift of Grace when we realize that there is nothing in and of ourselves that we can do to earn it from God, it’s recognizing and accepting that we serve a God of ‘another chance’. It is God recognizing the humans that we are and allowing us room to stretch out into our imperfections while keeping us safely within the boundaries of His protection. If a Holy, Matchless God could give us this wonderous gift for free knowing that we would repeatedly both willingly and consciously take advantage of it, even in our futile attempts to be worthy of such a gift – when will you, my Beautiful Queen, extend the same grace to yourself? When will you stop striving to be who you think the world wants you to be and stretch out into the Woman that you are? When will you realize that you are enough – you with your messy hair, chipped nails, immaculate eyebrows, tailored power suit and baby throw-up sweatshirt- just the way you are? God made you perfectly before the formation of the world and he knew every bad decision and blatant sin that you would commit – yet He still died with your name on His lips – to extend eternal grace to you.

So for today – let’s try to extend a little grace to ourselves. This isn’t an excuse to not leave everything you’ve got on the field, to actualize your life and reach your personal goals. It’s a breather when you don’t get everything right. It’s being ok with not cooking dinner tonight after working 15 hours and letting the kids pick their favorite cereal. It’s washing the clothes tomorrow and watching ‘Jingle Jangle’ for the 3rd time with extra butter popcorn tonight. It’s taking the day off work and surprising a friend with a social distance picnic instead of over preparing for the same meeting that you’ve been stressing about for a week. It’s being ok with not being ok, but not being ok staying there.

Grace gives you room to just be you today. Accept your beautiful imperfections and bask in the light that is YOU. We all see it, you can do great things beautiful girl, if you would only give yourself Grace to try again.

%d bloggers like this: