12 Daily Blogs to my Single Ladies…
On the first day of MISS Mas, I gave to me… ME (Identity)
Getting ready for Christmas, or some symbolism of Christmas as 2020 has literally changed everything, I decided to write a blog from one Single lady to another. Each day we will talk about a different aspect of Singleness that affects many of us and I believe if you stick with me, you will surely find a topic that you can relate.
So for the first day, I’m gonna share a bit about my Singles journey – both before and after marriage. I believe that by sharing my journey in this way, you will be able to glimpse into my life and possibly gain a better understanding of why I’m so passionate about loving and actualizing your Single life.
Most of my adult life has been spent attached to a man. I was always in a relationship, coming out of a relationship or heading into a situationship, but I was never truly Single. Like no potentials, no +1s, no guys hanging in the background hoping I choose them, or even worse I spent some time being the girl hanging in the background hoping the guy realized how amazing I was and decided to love me. Sad, right? I agree. Looking back on that girl, I don’t feel sorry for her because every one of her hardships helped shape me into the woman that I currently am, but there is a huge part of me that wishes I could just reach back and give her a good shake, tho.
If you haven’t read NOT Another Singles Book, you might not know much of my journey so I definitely would recommend grabbing this book and journeying with me. But as a synopsis, I discuss that I played a role in every relationship I was in. I didn’t have a clear view of my identity, so it became easy to pretend to be whoever the person needed at that time. Naturally they would fall in love with me, because I was everything the needed, the perfect woman for them in that moment…but I wasn’t me. So I couldn’t sustain the façade of being everything to everybody. As you can tell from the title of this blog – it didn’t work.
Then I took some time to get to know me, like the real me – not the one that shows up on interviews and first dates. And I found out that I love me. The authentic me, without the bells, expectations and identity crisis – but the woman that is confident in herself, bold about her purpose and passionate about her vision. The woman that isn’t afraid to spend time alone, because she’s comfortable in her own skin and enjoys her own company.
After my divorce, I rejoined the land of Missdom. And I realized that I missed me. I had spent such a long time getting to know me, and then I lost that identity in the struggle of trying to keep my marriage together. All my energy and focus was poured into not only keeping up the false image that I had built of my marriage once it started to really fall apart, a warped sense of loyalty to a man that wasn’t loyal, and the overwhelming grip of shame when I realized divorce was the only option for me. I had nothing left, for me.
And now I’m back to who I’ve become. I’m stronger, better, with deeper roots and a more secure identity in Christ. And I believe that because of the struggle that I endured and came out of, I have moved from knowledge to wisdom in this area.
So why start the 12 Days of MissMas with this story. Because it’s the identity for me, sis. If you don’t know who you are, you will settle for an imitation of yourself that the people in your live inadvertently build to suit their needs. COVID-19 has provided us a unique opportunity to slow down and declutter our lives, physically-mentally-emotionally-spiritually. Use this time wisely, Queens. Really get to know yourself during this time and get secure in your identity as a WHOLE, party of 1. It’s truly the best gift that you can give yourself.
What’s next? Would you like to journey together in this time and have me come alongside you and share my journey, so you don’t have to live the lessons? I want to offer you to join me on Sunday, December 20th 2020 at 5pm CST as we chat, laugh and discuss these very things together. I want to share a new experience that will start in January and I would love for you to be a part.
Here’s the link to register for the FREE Convo session!