All posts for the month July, 2015

The Long Way Around

Published July 23, 2015 by lavoniartryon

A few days ago, I decided to take a different way to work, just to see if it was quicker. I had been debating this way for a while, since I moved in April actually, but I never made the decision to try it. So I finally got in my car and drove the other way, all the while timing it to see if it really was quicker. It takes me about 22-25 minutes to get from my home to work going my familar way. Taking the new way, I was pulling into my work parking lot in less than 18 minutes. Wow! All this time, I knew of a different way, but because I was used to the familiar or stuck in my old mindset, I was wasting at least 5 minutes of my day.

I hope you can see where I’m going with this. How many times in life do we know a different way, sometimes a better way of doing things, but because we are comfortable with our old way, we don’t change? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it-right? Wrong. Just because it isn’t broke, doesn’t mean it can’t run better. When will we get tired of living mediocre lives and begin to trust God with the exceedingly abundantly vision that He has stirred in our hearts? When will we stop settling for the known and trust God as Abraham to lead us to the unknown? These are questions that you can treat as rhetorical or ones that you can have a serious soul searching session and begin to change.

If we equate this to our Single life, as you know I do with just about everything, we can see how continuing to do dating the same way, will eventually waste a lot of our time. When we get comfortable in our actions, in our standards, in accepting less than because we don’t believe we are worth more-we will continue to take the long way around. I dare you to trust God with this. As I learned with my journey, I still arrived at the same destination-but I got there a whole lot quicker. When we trust God to send us the right person, we won’t catch all the red lights that our way leads us to. Trust Him.  He has so much more in store for you.

Glimpses of Him -Almost Does Count

Published July 20, 2015 by lavoniartryon

I not so long ago* met this guy, let’s call him Mr. R. As you know, I am highly comfortable with being Single, as noted by the capital ‘S’. 🙂 I don’t think of it a grave sentence, but as a great opportunity to honor God with my whole life and no distractions of the world. I still desire marriage, but it is no longer on the throne of my heart, it is a healthy ache of longing for the future while being completely settled and satisfied in my present.

But I met this guy. And I was not looking. AT.ALL.. He began to show interest and I didn’t run. He was nice and sincere and had this sweet innocence in his pursuit that I had long ago forgotten existed. We talked and laughed and talked. I’m talking middle-school-5-hour-no-you-hang-up-first talked. We kept saying let’s focus on the friendship, but in our heads we knew that what we were feeling was taking wings. We made plans to see each other, we went on outings, we made every effort to let the other know that our intentions were to see where God was taking this.

Then it happened. No one knows what the ‘it’ is, but everyone has experienced it. The shift. The slight change in pull that makes it a bit easier to not call today, to not make plans for the weekend, when you usually had standing dates, to go an entire day and not realize that you haven’t talked to the person, although just a short time ago, you couldn’t go 10 minutes without thinking about this same person. Usually when this shift happens, only one person feels it-the other one feels the aftermath. It’s like you were analyzing the earthquake reading, but I was the one that felt the ground move from under me.

Such was this. There wasn’t a magical thing or an argument or something that stood out as a cause, it simply happened. Mr. R. was no longer the guy that I was starting to make an intentional decision to fall for, and what made it worse, he didn’t realize it. It came out as ‘I’ve been busy with work…etc, but I’m still interested’. This blog isn’t about going into the details or even all of the things that could of or should of happened, it’s simply to acknowledge that we are all trying to figure this thing called ‘love’ out. If accepting it from Christ, the lover of our souls is difficult at best, then we are sure to blunder it here with mere mortals.

It wasn’t Mr. R.’s fault. It wasn’t my fault. It just wasn’t meant to be, maybe not now, maybe not ever-only God knows. But as of now, I had to make the hard decision to let go of the almost. I could have let it drag out, and several years ago, I would have. I would have accepted his 4 day silences, and still anticipate the empty ‘hey how are you’ texts as if we hadn’t talked in a week or seen each other in 3. But I deserve more and so does he. I deserve the guy that won’t see me as a check of on his to-do list, but that will make sure that everyday I stay at the top. The guy that makes every effort to let me know how important I am to him, not make excuses as to how he is still figuring it out. I’m completely ok with Mr. R. figuring out what he wants, he just has to be completely ok with the possibility that when he figures it out, I won’t be waiting. That’s the risk we take. When we begin to pursue a relationship before we are sure we actually want that relationship, we will have to make a choice. Stay and figure it out together or walk away and not deal with the emotions of the unknown. I wanted the first, but he refused to do the latter.

He didn’t want me, but he wasn’t ready to let me go. But that wasn’t his choice. At this point in my life, I will never give anyone else that power. You don’t get to ‘keep the door’ open, while you stand in it deciding whether you want to come in. As grandma says, you are letting out my good air and as my old friend used to say ‘you blocking someone else’s blessing with your indecision.’ So as much as I at one time wanted to stay, I chose to walk away and free myself.

This is not written to bash Mr. R., because he is a great, amazing guy. He’s just not sure if he’s my guy. But he doesn’t get the option to keep me around as he figures it out. This is written to encourage those ladies, and gents, to take back your power. You are a priority and you deserve to be treated as one. If they aren’t ready for that, you be ready to walk away. You have too much purpose and destiny to wait in limbo as a person decides if they want to share it. You have a choice too, don’t give that up.

As Brandy said, Almost Doesn’t Count. I used to agree, but I now think it does. It counts that you opened yourself up, it counts that you tried, it counts that you were ready to love even though you knew that it could end in heartbreak. Most of all, it counts that once you realized that you weren’t getting what you deserved…you had the power to walk away and not settle for less than your Daddy has said you deserve.

Don’t regret it. Don’t wish you hadn’t met your Mr. or MISS R. That would cheapen it. It was real. You felt something, you opened yourself up, and it hurts to close the door. Take the time needed to heal. Don’t gloss it over with hard words or hurtful accusations of the other person. Simply acknowledged that you tried and it didn’t work. Cry if you need to. Scream if you want to. Get you a pint of ice cream, chocolate and your favorite chick flick and give yourself a day. A day to mourn what could have been, but never was. Then get up. Fill your horn with oil (your lungs with praise) and move on to what God has waiting for you. He never intended for you to camp here, there was a lesson meant to learn-learn it and keep going.

My lesson was that I’m ready for love. I am ready to receive what I deserve and strong enough to walk away when I don’t get it. I recognize the favor God has placed in my life and I will not share it with a man that isn’t my husband. I’ve realized that I’m no longer that insecure girl that would stain a situationship, instead of freeing myself for ‘the relationship’. I was pursued and it felt good, really good. But once the pursuit ebbed, I didn’t pick it up myself. So I’m proud of the lesson, and I don’t regret it. You shouldn’t either.

I believe every relationship has purpose, some you just have to dig through the pain, hurt and broken expectations to find it.

*not so long= between 1 month and 3 years

**disclaimer: please don’t cheapen the testimony by being worried about the timeline

2 Week Notice

Published July 20, 2015 by lavoniartryon

As many of you know, I am a writer by nature. I can turn pretty much anything into a poem, blog or book. God has gifted me with this talent, what I do with it is my portion to the Kingdom. My life is my testimony, so many things that happen are used as experience for someone else; my struggle–your lesson. Which brings me to today’s blog.

2 week notice. If you have worked in corporate America or any job that practices good work ethic, you are required to give a 2 week notice when you decide to find something new or pursue a new opportunity. I have had a couple of jobs that decided to use that 2 weeks to woo me in hopes of getting me to stay, when they knew that at the end, I was still moving on. It didn’t stop them from trying, it just stopped it from mattering. If losing me as an employee was that important, then my imminent departure shouldn’t have been the spark to make them realize what they would be missing. But it was. And so it is with us in relationships.

Once a party has decided that the relationship, or in my case ‘situationship’ isn’t working and begins to feel the stir of freedom, the other party will sometimes pull out all the bells and whistles in hopes of changing that person’s mind. But all it is…is smoke. An illusion of what could have been, but the time has already out. The person that has decided to move on has usually weighed all the pros and cons, counted the cost and still made the determination that leaving would be better than staying. Maybe if the other party would have tried a bit harder when the attention was there, the 2 weeks wouldn’t have been served.
I hope you understand the analogy and I challenge that if you are in a relationship or in pursuit of one, don’t wait until the other person has put in their emotional 2 weeks before you start showing your appreciation. It won’t be appreciated. No one wants to hear how much they matter, when it’s tied to ‘baby please don’t go’ or ‘if you would just give me another chance’. If you care, show it. If you don’t, let them go. Being in a piece of a relationship is not better than being whole alone.

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