DAY 20: What being Single has taught me about getting Married

Published May 22, 2013 by lavoniartryon


Memory verse: I charge you daughters of Jerusalem, Do not awaken love before it’s time. Song of Solomon 8:4

Psalm: 130

Challenge: What are some single perks that you aren’t quite ready to give up for marriage?

            This Challenge will be short and (somewhat) sweet. I’ve determined that this may be a bit self-centered, but I have also determined that I’m ok with that. What being Single has taught me about getting married is that: I LOVE BEING SINGLE RIGHT NOW!!!

I really do. Unashamed, uninhibited and most importantly unattached. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that when I get married I will LOVE being married, but I’m not there right now. I am more than ok with that. There is a certain freedom that comes with being Single. There is a certain luxury not afforded to marriage, as Paul speaks about in 1 Corinthians 7 and as Jeremiah was commanded not to do in Jeremiah 2.

We have the freedom and liberty to not check in- USE IT! I have many friends that are married or seriously dating and before we make a last minute decision about a late night dinner, or going on a day trip to the San Marcos outlets- they have to call their significant other. Not necessarily to ask for permission, but just to inform them that they will be late home or unavailable for the day. I call, ummm….my bank to make sure I can shop the way I want to? My mom just in case I have a blowout on the freeway so someone knows where I am (and sometimes not even then)?  Some Singles see this as a sore spot to not have someone to check in with. NOT.ME. I realize everyone may not relate to this post, but I believe there is a remnant that will 😉

Recently I met a guy that was determined to take me out. He was a local delivery truck driver so he worked pretty standard shifts and informed me that when he gets off around 6 or so, he is free every evening, so the date was up to me. I was shocked and a bit turned off, I must admit. ‘You mean, you get off work and just go home? And do what? Watch tv, play PlayStation?’ I couldn’t understand that. Where is your vision, your goals, your life and why aren’t you busy working on them? I NEVER have days when I just come home and watch TV. I fit one into my schedule about once every 2-3 weeks just to keep my sanity, but even then I’m reading or working on my next 3 books. So, needless to say he couldn’t understand when I couldn’t ‘work him into’ my schedule as readily as he could me. Between my part-time job, my two businesses, my book(s), speaking engagements, Singles ministry and sorority- my days are pretty packed-so going to dinner and a movie with a guy that I might or might not be slightly interested in, is pretty low on the totem pole.

INSIGHT: ‘Man, this insights edition is hitting me square between the eyes. I am almost reluctant to admit that in October I wasn’t willing to fit this guy into a date, but I dated another guy shortly after this that had even more free time. This turned out to be a major hiccup in our relationship because he assumed that I should be as available as he was. He couldn’t understand that I had so many other things on my plate outside of our relationship, and that although he was a priority-he wasn’t my only priority. What this taught me was that I still have Single dreams, A LOT of Single dreams and right now I’m ok with chasing them-instead of being pursued. This will change at some point, maybe this year, maybe next-but right now ‘I’m doing me.’’

Maybe some of this comes from the residual effects of being engaged to an insecure, unsure of himself man. Yep, I was engaged-read the book (shameless plug). He wanted to know where I was going and who with. I felt obligated to keep him informed in decisions of my life, and I was no longer at liberty to be as free as I would like. This is not to say that every relationship will be or should be this way, but every relationship does have a level of responsibility to make decisions or at least include your significant other in them. Right now, I am rather enjoying my level of responsibility to only me and God.

INSIGHT: ‘Don’t become so bound in marriage mindedness that you miss the freedom of being Single.’

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