DAY 13: Losing Your Potentials


Memory Verse: And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them Luke 6:31

Psalm: 1

Challenge: Evaluate every relationship that you have with a member of the opposite sex that has a blurred line. Set up a plan to black/white the relationship and set boundaries to not allow it to get blurred again.

            Potential- the act of having or showing the capacity to develop into something in the future, the POSSIBILITY of becoming more than it presently is. A Potential in a relationship perspective is that person that is hanging around as more than just a friend, but without the commitment of a relationship. How is this relationship substantiated? That’s just it, it’s not. By not defining it, both parties are free to get what they desire out of the other without the messiness of being accountable for the other person’s feelings or emotions. ‘I mean, we said ‘nothing serious’ right?’ ‘It’s not my fault if they get involved deeper than I am, right?’ WRONG! True, the Bible does say for us to guard our own hearts, not to give it to someone else and pray they don’t break it. But it also speaks of us being accountable for each other and not causing one to stumble, fall into sin, and living at peace with everyone. These two truths don’t contradict, in fact they complement each other. We are to guard our own hearts, as we make sure not to take advantage of someone else’s.

I used to be caught heavy in the potential cycle, because I didn’t know the difference between being alone and lonely. My philosophy was ‘you don’t ride with four tires, you always keep a spare, and you never play the game with an empty bench’. Although I never exclusively dated more than one guy at a time, I had a string of guys that could say emotionally we both had more invested than just a platonic relationship. These were guys that I would hang out with, cook for, go to the movies with, etc- just to have the companionship of the opposite sex. I knew that most of them weren’t ready or worthy to be in an exclusive relationship with me, but we both kept hanging on.

This is a dangerous cycle to get caught in, because you are now emotionally attached to someone that is not meant for you. You are sharing intimate, personal emotions and feelings with someone that has no commitment or accountability to protect that kind of trust. If the shoe is flipped, then you are stealing someone’s emotions when you allow them to date you while you are only hanging out with them. If the lines of a mixed sex relationship are not clearly defined, then the potential to misconstrue intentions and to blur those lines is substantial. Friends don’t kiss, they don’t hold hands in the movies, and they don’t sleep in the same bed with each other-cuddling (with or without your clothes on).

Someone may get a bit irritated by this next statement-and that’s ok…Iron sharpens iron. Dull edges being rubbed off is not pleasant, in most case it’s downright uncomfortable.

You are not a friend if you know that someone has more than friendly feelings for you, and you don’t address it because you don’t want an awkward situation or to hurt their feelings. Understand that their feelings will get hurt if they are already invested, but it will hurt more when you string them along until you find someone that you really want to date, and introduce them. A friend loves at all times, and that is not love to refuse to address a situation that needs to be dealt with. That’s a coward. But don’t worry-we have all done this at some point, so you are not alone in this. The difference is now you know, so you are responsible to fix it.

If you are the potential, take back your power and move on. You deserve to be pursued as a woman and honored as a man. If this person does not feel the need to DTR (define the relationship), then they don’t deserve you. You deserve more, but you have to require it. A person will only treat you as bad as you allow, or as good as you demand. Take your worth and value back as we talked about last week, and treat yourself to better. A piece of a relationship is not better than no relationship, and until you recognize your value you may be tempted to believe this lie.

Un-blur those lines. Now. Before you or someone else gets emotionally attached and you have an even messier mess to deal with, and you possibly lose a friend.

INSIGHT: This whole day is so near. This is an area that God has really grown me from, and one that I daily have to renew my mind in order to keep in perspective. This cycle is so easy to get caught up in, but so hard to get out of. Once your emotions and feelings are attached, it gets easier to ignore those red flags and those things that you would have picked up on earlier. It’s comfortable to have ‘friends’ and to know that someone is thinking of you in this way. But it’s dangerous. For you, for them and for your future mates. No one tricks out a rental car. Why? Because they know that it doesn’t belong to them. That should be the same way we approach every relationship until the Lord says ‘That’s her/him.’ Treat it as a rental, it’s not yours and the Owner will come back to claim it. Look at every relationship as a vehicle to serve a purpose that the Owner has put in the manual. Be mindful of the person that may come behind you, and they deserve to get the best-not damaged goods because of your negligence. That’ll preach. Let it soak in. Good Word, Great God.

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