Memory Verse: He did not even spare His own Son, but offered Him up as a ransom for us all; How will He not als
o with Him grant us everything? Romans 8:32
Several days in this week will be dedicated to those that feel like they are spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially and any other ‘ally’ that you can think of-ready for marriage, yet the desire for marriage has not been actualized. You’ve been waiting and praying for your ‘one’, but she/he is nowhere to be found. In fact, it’s the opposite. It seems like everyone is getting chosen but you. You may be asking yourself, “How did I get here? Has God forgotten me? What is wrong with me?”
This is a dangerous cycle to get caught in. You will soon get sucked into the green-eyed monster and start comparing yourself to those very people that you call friends. Rest assured, because the devil loves mess and messy people, when you do this, he will always make the scales tip in your favor in the “marriage-material” category.
You will begin to believe that you are more worthy to be married than the other person. Remember Paul warned against this type of boasting in 2 Corinthians 11. When we start to focus on our accomplishments, and how good or “holy” we are, the enemy has succeeded in convincing us to count on our resources rather than our Source.
This is a trick that is literally as old as time and it is still working. Remember the enemy is not always looking
to take you out, especially if you are saved because even he understands to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). You are more useful to him if you are ineffective. You become one of his prized possessions when you can cause someone else to stumble. Comparisons are a dangerous game to play because spiritually, you are telling God that you don’t approve of His plan for your life and that you would rather have someone else’s.
So here you are still on the tree, always being passed up while the apples that are on the ground or on the lower branches are being picked so easily; seemingly like they aren’t even trying. Now doubt is setting in. As a woman you start to wonder, “Am I not pretty enough? Is there something wrong with me? Do I not have the right body type or skin tone?” As a man, you may start to believe, “I’m not accomplished enough. I don’t have the right education. I’m too nice. I mean, no one really wants a
coming-up brother anymore, huh?” Change your
perspective; you are approaching this all wrong.
I have heard a popular saying that states “Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Some men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt (or even worse, having to put out actual effort to get you). Instead, they pick the ones on the ground, which are easier. The apples at the top may begin to think there is something
wrong with them. But no, you’re amazing! You just have to wait for the right man that realizes you’re worth the climb” (and will ask God for the ladder).
I believe that the truth is not that the apples which have gotten picked are better than you (or less than you for that matter). It’s simply that God saw fit that it was their time. The reason they were picked may be because God knew that the one meant to pick them was on the way. They may have been in the same position you are in: at the top of the tree, seemingly forgotten, asking the same questions you are asking, questioning their value. I encourage you to keep waiting. Whether God supplies a ladder or bends the branches, you will be just in the reach of the one God has chosen when he comes.
Maybe you are still on the tree because you aren’t quite ripe yet. Stay there for a while. Mature on the Vine as you grow stronger. When it’s your time, there is no way that you will get passed over. Remember the view is better from the top. Use it to your advantage to weed out those who aren’t strong enough to make it to the top to get you.
If you long for emotional intimacy, I challenge you to find it in God. A man or woman may complement you, but the King of kings is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45:11). You may question if a mate loves you at all times, but you should never doubt that God has loved you with an everlasting love; that He has drawn you to Himself with loving-kindness (Jeremiah 31:3).
Even in marriage vows, the epitome of an earthly commitment, the most a person can commit to another is, “Until death do us part.” But I love what Paul says: “I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).
The entire book of Song of Solomon is about the beauty of a woman that didn’t think she deserved the affections of a King, and his patient kindness in assuring her over and over again, that she was indeed good enough. In Chapter 1 she is concerned that her dark skin disqualifies her from being beautiful, but in Chapter 2 her King brings her to the royal banquet hall in front of everyone and places a banner of love over her-His public declaration to her is the same declaration that He is making over you: